Build your child’s Self-esteem: Starting with you

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Have you ever wondered how your confidence may affect your child’s self-esteem? Today, I ask myself this question:“If my child’s self-beliefs were only based on my words and actions, what would he believe about himself?”

As parents, we want our children to thrive in the face of challenges. We want them to feel great about themselves and feel confident in navigating life’s stormy sea without having limiting believes about themselves. As a mother, I want to be able to pave the way of self-understanding, self-acceptance and self-love for Zion so when he looks in the mirror and looks inside himself, he loves what he sees. He must have unshakable faith in his ability to make things happen and follow through with his actions. He must feel worthy and deserving of happiness, health, wealth, success and love, no matter what life throws at him.

Our role as mothers is fundamental in building our children’s self-esteem from an early age. Both boys and girls inherently looks to us, as parents for that reflection and will emulate the way we treat ourselves, the way we treat others and how we allow others to treat us. Having said that, as a woman and as a mother raising a boy, I believe that my sense of self will leave an unforgettable impression on Zion. I’m not only raising my son…I’m raising a future husband and father.


We have the opportunity everyday to positively influence our children’s self-esteem BUT we cannot expect to raise confident children if we are not. It starts with us mama. We need to put in the work, right now, starting with OURSELVES!
Here are a few suggestions for boosting our own self-esteem, and modelling good self-esteem for our children at the same time:

1) Don’t compare yourself to others
Comparing ourselves to others is a constant loosing battle. Discover what you value in life and build your own definition of success, and if making yourself look your best is what you value, let it be because you choose to, not because you have to in order to feel better about yourself compared to others. Don’t get caught up in a sense of competition with other mothers. If a mama (or daddy) has done or is doing something that you would like to do, let it inspire you and be an indicator that you too can do great things.

2) Hush that negative inner voice
Don’t give your negative thoughts life. Criticizing ourselves, can lead to us criticizing our kids, and them criticizing themselves. Instead, try to focus on and turn up the volume of the things that makes you feel good about yourself. That doesn’t mean that you’re oblivious to the things that’s not going so well. Having that optimistic voice in our heads always looking at the bright side is a good start in building our self-esteem, helping us to navigate our motherhood journey with greater confidence.

So, next time when that little, irritating voice pops up in your head again, greet her with “Oh hey girl! Have you noticed? Motherhood looks so good on me!”. 🙂

Read: To the mom who feels she’s failing

3) Make self-care a priority
We are so busy taking care of everyone else’s needs and expectations that we forget to take care of ourselves. The truth is, we cannot take care of our family if we don’t take care of ourselves, first. Run that bubble bath, get that hair done, hire a nanny, read that book and its totally okay to “unfollow” people in real life too! We have to make time and do what gets us to our happy place without feeling guilty (this is a big one that we all sometimes struggle with).

Here’s the good news; by taking care of ourselves, not only will we be the best version of OURSELVES, and can therefore, give the best of US to our family but our children will also learn the value of investing in their well-being.

So, refill your cup mama, you cannot pour from an empty one.

4) Focus on your strengths and take pride in your achievements
Cooked a great dinner for your family? Well, talk about it! Talk about and take pride in things that gives you a sense of accomplishment.

5) Set healthy boundaries
Ooooooh mama! This is such a big one for me. *Deep breath*…
We not only have the right, but we must take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us. I’ve learned that setting clear and decisive limits in different areas my live (relationships, work, family) and enforcing them is imperative because it set the tone for what I allow and what I don’t allow in my life. When we have healthy boundaries it gives us a sense of strong identity.

By setting healthy boundaries, we are also conveying a very important message to our children; you must take responsibility for who you are, and you must take control of your life.

6) Find your tribe.
It’s an amazing feeling when you surround and spend time with the people who brings the best out of you, as you do to them. Those who love, value and appreciate you for you. Those who see greatness within you even the times that you don’t. Those are the people that provides us with a healing space that nurtures greater growth.

Stay close to them, build your tribe an protect your space.

7) Love, and accept yourself.
Our relationship with ourselves determines our relationship with everything and everyone else (including our children). The more we are willing to love and accept ourselves in all our messy glory the more we’ll be able to accept our children for who they are, and not what or who we want them to be. Our children’s need for acceptance means everything in their development.

“When we feel good about ourselves, we are much better able to extend this positive sense of self to our children and support them by being fully engaged in their daily lives, with confidence and ease.

There you go mama! Our value is worth improving. Hope that this sprinkle a little bit of encouragement and motivation to a better self-esteem.

What other suggestion do you have building your self-esteem? I would love to hear from you!

5 Responses
  • Genevieve
    January 31, 2017

    Outstanding!!!very inspiring 😍congratulations on ur blog,you my inspiration always 😚😚

    • Stylishmotherhood
      February 2, 2017

      Thank you so much Gee! Lots of love 😚😚

  • Candy Smith
    January 21, 2017

    I’m a mother and I enjoy every moment of it, we’ll said and congratulations on your blog. God bless you more.

    • Stylishmotherhood
      January 23, 2017

      Thank you so much Candy!:-)

  • Joanine
    January 19, 2017

    Im not a mother yet but I’m taking so much from this. Well said!

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